Many people believe in the power of positive affirmations for healing, weight loss, success, and personal empowerment. Yet there is a flip side and many people end up discouraged because their affirmations are not working. There is a set formula when writing and speaking positive affirmations. So first let me tell you a story, which will shed some light on how positive affirmations really work.

One day I was working with a client named Patty that had many health issues. She had arthritis in her fingers and joints. When I opened the book, “Heal Your Body”, by Louise L. Hay, I discovered that I could not use the affirmation for the new thought patterns. I knew that if I used her positive affirmations, my client would consciously reject it. Here is my reasoning. Before I meet every client, I have them fill out a confidential intake form. Patty did not like or love herself. She was very angry, bitter, held onto resentment, and in some way felt victimized. There was no way she would accept the positive affirmations of “I see with love and understanding, or I am love, or I see others with love.”

So I looked at my client and read to her the probable cause for arthritis in her fingers and joints. Patty agreed that she was blaming her husband, felt victimized, was holding onto resentment, felt unloved, and was criticizing towards herself and others. Then I said, “I cannot use these positive affirmations for you because it does not match your current state of mind.” Patty was curious and asked me to read the positive affirmation. After I read it, she understood.

I look into Patty’s eyes and said, “I believe you would accept these positive affirmations. What if I said these words instead? Every day I am letting the little things go. Every day I am accepting myself and making peace with what is. I am discovering how easy it is to be more patient and understanding with myself and others. I am learning to stop and become quiet. When I am upset, I will envision a calm lake and become one with it. And in my own way, I am finding forgiveness for myself and others. We all make mistakes in life, therefore I am choosing to see my life differently, coming from a place of compassion. I love my children and I now treat myself with the same kindness and loving manner.”

Patty agreed that she would accept those positive affirmations. Here is my reasoning for the wording. First, Patty finds peace and comfort in a calm lake. She actually lives by a lake and has used the lake to help her decompress. This imagery technique can be used anytime during the day. Second, Patty needs to learn to look outside the box of anger and resentment. That is why I used the phrase, “choosing to see my life differently, coming from a place of compassion.” Thirdly, Patty loves her kids. As human beings, we are too hard ourselves. We think and say cruel things to ourselves, but would never do that to our children. Yet we are just as important and special. So when Patty is being hard on herself, it is good to remember that she has an inner child that is listening and deserves to be loved. And finally, forgiveness is key. Patty needed to learn to stop blaming herself and others. Patty needs to learn to make peace with what is and let the little things go that eat away at her.

Here are some more important factors when writing your own positive affirmations.

You want to write them in the present tense or as if you already have it. Here is an example. You do not want to write a positive affirmation that states, “I will become more calm and relaxed. The word “will” is in the future. It is best to say, “I am more calm and relaxed or I am discovery how easy it is to become more calm and relaxed around difficult people.” The next important factor is that you must be congruent with the words you are writing and speaking. If you do not believe it or feel it, the words mean nothing. The feelings backing those words are empty and hollow. And when you speak the words, you want to come from a place of compassion, belief, acceptance, and peace. So if you need to calm yourself down, get centered and/or grounded within your body, do it!

Here is an example of what I mean.

When you are angry at someone and you say, “I love you”, that statement is coming from a place force, which is a low energy vibration. That statement of love is coming from anger, loss, fear, and/or disappointment. It is not coming from a place of power. Your place of power comes from the emotional set point of being either neutral, optimistic, accepting, and/or forgiveness. So when you say the words, “I love you” coming from a place of power, you can feel the sweetness in those words, not the sting of anger.

Now some people say you should look at yourself in the mirror and speak your affirmations. I have to disagree. For many people this is very difficult. When you put someone in an uncomfortable situation, the spoken words will be coming from a place of FORCE not POWER. You want to do what feels right for you. And if you are congruent with the words you have written, but have a hard time reading them coming from a place of power, you can try the following suggestions. For many of my clients, they have requested that I read and record the positive affirmations. This way you can listen to the positive affirmations during the day or while you are sleeping.

The last important factor is duration and quantity. In the past, clients would email me three or five pages of positive affirmations. This is too overwhelming for the mind. Instead of it becoming a focal point or goal, you have created a laundry list of problems. So it is best to stick with three main subjects. I would also incorporate the “I, you or your name” within the positive affirmations. And it does take 28 to 30 days to create a new habit, belief, attitude, or thought pattern. You do not want to test drive it for 2-weeks and stop. When you do this, you go back to the starting point and self-doubt or fear of failure can sink in. So mark your calendar to keep yourself on track with your commitment and goal towards personal empowerment.

I hope you have enjoyed this blog about positive affirmations. If you have any questions or comments, you can contact me.