What is the upside of anger? For some people anger can become a motivator or driving force. It can spring you into action, instead of procrastination. Anger can support you in finally shedding the extra 20 to 80 pounds. You might even use anger to prove someone wrong. Therefore anger is not all that bad when it motivates you into action, but it does come with a price. There will come a time when you must let go of your anger. If you do not, anger will deplete the body of vitality. For when we hold onto anger, we can develop many health problems.

Anger can be used in a passive manner, which in my mind is just a destructive to your health and well-being. A passive form of anger is a slow killer of happiness, dreams and/or a way of living. Passive anger will keep you stuck and it will create a stagnant environment. Soon the anger will envelope you and keep you stuck in the dark. So let me share a story with you about anger.

A good friend of mine has found herself stuck in life. She has all these dreams and desires, but cannot seem to motivate herself into action. The inside of her house is a mess! We have all seen or heard about people that are hoarders. Well her house would qualify for the TV show. Her daughter was very concerned about her and wanted me to talk to her mom. During a coaching session I said to her, “There was a time when I was able to go inside your house and it was clean. Now I will not step foot inside your house. What happened Kim? When did it start to get so bad? What happened in your life during that time? Many people are worried about you.”

Kim looked at me and explained, “During that is the time my husband had a so-called mid-life crisis. He left me for another woman and moved in with her. When his so-called romance did not work out, he moved back home 10 months later. I was so angry at him. That is when the hording started. That is when I stopped taking care of myself and the house.”

“So you used your anger in a passive way to punish him?” I asked.

“Yes. He put me through hell and came back like nothing had happened. I was so angry with him and I resented what he did to me,” she said.

I took a deep calming breathe and said, “I understand. Some people would rather be in denial than accept responsibility for their actions. What is important here is to remember that fear leads to anger. So what is it that you truly feared would happen”?

“I feared that he would leave me again. I feared that he would find another woman and expect me to be okay with it. I feared that I was not good enough. I feared that I would keep getting hurt by him. I fear I do not have the strength to leave him if he does it again. And he never once said he was sorry!” she explained.

“But it has been over ten years now. None of those fears have come true. He has not left you or cheated on you since. And if you are still waiting for him to say he is sorry, then you are keeping yourself stuck. When are you going to let go your anger towards him? Because the one who is really hurting here is not him, but you. If it upset him, he would be cleaning the house, but he is not. Your house is a living example of anger. None of your children, friends or family members will step foot inside your house. Each room is a physical display of punishment and blame. You created this mess, not him. When is enough, enough?” I stated.

Kim sighed deeply and said, “I know. But I just don’t know where to begin. It is so overwhelming.”

Why I chose to share this story is because anger can be like a shadow. You can see the shadow, but you don’t know why it is there. So much time has passed and the anger shadow has enveloped you. It clouds your judgements and can keep you trapped. That is why working with life coach can help you see the upside of anger and/or how anger stems from our fears. The upside to this story is many people love Kim and want her to be happy. So putting together a plan of action to declutter her home is key. What is also important is finding forgiveness. We can use our anger to hurt another person, but during the anger phase we are filling our heart and mind with toxic thoughts. Those toxic thoughts are really doing more damage to ourselves over the weeks, months and years; not the other person.

So you can use anger as a tool to better your life or current situation. Just remember to stop and ask yourself this question. “Is this anger hurting anyone?” If the answer is yes, you need to find another way to motivate yourself. There are two ways to motivate a person. You can motivate a person with a pleasure or pain. Here is an example. If you do well with the reward system, think of something you desire. Make that your end goal reward. Now some people are not motivated by rewards, they need to hit rock bottom before they take action. These people are more motivated by the fear of losing of a job or something bad happening.  It seems like when enough is enough is what motivates these people into action. Just remember this key thought, “A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing.”

I hope you have found the upside of anger informative.