How many times have you fallen victim to criticism that was unfounded and seriously hurt your feelings? We’ve all been there. Whether it was a friend, a colleague or a supervisor, criticism has come our way and will keep on reaching us when we least expect it. But how do you deal with criticism that is clearly unfair? Keep calm and have a look at these five tips to help you respond to unfounded criticism in a reasonable manner.
1. Keep calm
Criticism generally leads to feelings like anger or inadequacy – and these are only strengthened if you perceive the criticism as unfair. If you choose to express these emotions, you’ll never be able to resolve the conflict. Instead when you fall victim to this kind of criticism, remain calm and give yourself a pause. Take a few deep breaths and prepare to deal with it.
2. Change your perspective
The first thing you’ll need to work at is your attitude towards what you perceive as unfair comments or criticism. Instead of questioning yourself and trying to see what is wrong with you, have a look at things from another perspective – that of the critic. What is their motivation? What do they aim to achieve? What’s in it for them? What do they want from you? Are they leading a happy or unhappy life right now? Focus on the other person and be curious about their reaction. Curiosity is easily the best emotional attitude for self-defense.
3. Repeat the point
Even if it sounds crazy, this is your best strategy. Coming up with a perfect response on the spot is challenging. Instead you can simply repeat your critic’s complaints back to them in order to make sure that you understood their point correctly. Make eye contact, use a non-aggressive tone and start your sentence with, ‘So what you’re saying is…’.
Put their criticism in your own words, but try to stick to facts as much as possible and avoid exaggeration. If you overstate your case, you’ll look like someone who’s on the defensive and looking for a fight – which might be the goal of your critic. Taking the focus off your reaction and back to the criticism at hand, you’ll be on the winning side. If the criticism is truly ridiculous, the tactic will work perfectly.
4. Politely move on
Even if you repeat the criticism in your own words and the critic still holds firm, you’ll require some time to come up with a good response. Now that you’ve shown them you understand their point and know where they’re coming from – hopefully without expressing shame or anger – you’re ready to simply move on. You can say something along the lines of, ‘That is certainly an issue to think about going forward, and I appreciate the feedback’. Saying this, you’ll show yourself as someone who genuinely cares about the job being done in the best way possible and you’ll focus on this issue moving forward.
5. Take care of your self-esteem
Being subjected to unfair criticism can be a bruising experience, but if you manage to handle your critic and remain calm, you’ll be able to stop the experience from damaging your self-esteem and self-confidence. If what you faced was truly unfounded criticism rather than constructive feedback, remember that it shows the shortcomings of your critic, not you. Don’t dwell on it and make it clear to yourself that your actions and skills didn’t deserve this criticism.
Whether it’s incorrect or irrelevant, unfair criticism can often hurt us and inspire strong emotional reactions. The important thing here is staying calm and being fair with yourself. Just because one person decided that it’s time to make someone else as miserable as they are, doesn’t mean that you should get upset about it and spread the negativity further in your environment. This is how the unjust critic wins.